Kim Hamer is a grieving widow who lost her husband to cancer. She wrote a book about her experiences, 100 Acts of Love: A Girlfriend’s Guide to Loving Your Friends Who Have Cancer or Loss, to help others going through similar situations. Kim is also an HR professional, and she now works with businesses to help them deal with loss and cancer in the workplace.
If you’re friends with someone who is going through the grieving process or if you are grieving, this episode is for you. You’ll learn the 100 Acts of Love Solution from Kim Hamer to get the support, compassion, and connection you need.
Kim Hamer‘s husband was diagnosed with cancer, and she became his caretaker. After he died, she realized that people didn’t know how to support someone who was grieving.
The number one worst thing you can say to someone who is grieving is, “if you need anything, let me know.” This is too big of a request, and it puts pressure on the grieving person to figure out what they need and how to ask for help.
A better way to support someone who is grieving is to be specific with your offers of help. For example, you could offer to walk their dog or take out the trash. Something as simple as this can make a big difference in the life of a loved one who is grieving.
Here are steps you can use to help:
- Offering specific, tangible support
- Following through on your offer
- Going the extra mile
1. Offering specific, tangible support
The first step in offering specific, tangible support is to identify what the person needs. This can be done by asking directly or by observing and taking note of what the person is struggling with. Once you have a good understanding of what the person needs, the next step is to offer your support in a specific and tangible way. This might mean doing something practical like taking out the trash or providing emotional support by being a listening ear. Whatever you do, be sure to do it with sincerity and without expecting anything in return.
When offering support, it’s important to be mindful of what the person is struggling with. If you’re not sure, it’s always best to ask directly. Once you have a good understanding of the situation, you can then offer your support in a way that is specific and tangible. This might mean doing something practical like helping to coordinate carpools for the kids or filling up the car with gas.
Also, remember not to overwhelm the grieving person or make them feel like they owe you anything. Instead, offer your support in a comfortable way for both of you. If the person wants to talk about what they’re going through, let them. If they just need some space, respect their wishes. Ultimately, the goal is to help your loved one in whatever way they need to get through this difficult time.
2. Following through on your offer
If you have made an offer to help your loved one who is grieving, it is important to follow through on that offer. This may mean doing something specific that the person has asked for or simply being there for them as they go through their grieving process. Either way, it is important to be as supportive as possible.
It can be difficult to know what to do when someone you care about is grieving. Just remember that the most important thing is to be there for them. Listen to what they need and try to be as helpful as possible. If you don’t know what to do, just ask. They will appreciate your effort and support.
3. Going the extra mile
The third step is to be as specific as possible when offering support. This means that instead of saying, “if you need anything, let me know,” it is better to offer a specific task or action you are willing to do. For example, you could say, “I will pick up your kids from school every day,” or “I will walk your dog every day.” By being specific, you are more likely to be helpful to the person who is grieving, and you are less likely to put pressure on them to try to figure out what they need.
It is also important to be patient. They may not be ready to accept help immediately, which is okay. Just let them know that you’re there for them and be patient.
Finally, don’t be afraid to ask for help yourself. Grief can be overwhelming, and it’s okay to need help. Talk to a friend or therapist, or join a support group. Taking care of yourself will help you be there for the people you love.
The grieving process is difficult, but it is possible to endure it with the help of friends and family. Kim Hamer‘s 100 Acts of Love Solution can help you get the support, compassion, and connection you need to move through this difficult time.
I’d love to hear how you apply The 100 Acts of Love Solution and your thoughts on this podcast episode. Leave me a comment on how it went for you, or drop me any questions you want to have answered!
Where to find Kim—
Purchase Book: 100 Acts of Love
Other Butterfly Kisses Podcast episodes you’ll enjoy:
Eps. 51. Fall in Love with Your Money Honey!
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